The Return Of Lasagna-gate

Many Spurs fans will nod sagely at the amazing row which has broken out in the U.S, as New York State Attorney General and candidate for Governor Andrew Cuomo has become embroiled in a sticky situation involving Lasagna.The dish is reportedly Cuomo's favorite. His partner Sandra...
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The Wednesday Of Discontent

On Wednesday 23 Feb 1972, the schools and workplaces of the city of Sheffield could be said to have undergone the first outbreak of mass truancy they had ever experienced.This was a period of deep social unrest in Britain: only 3 weeks earlier, the IRA, immediately following Bloody...
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The First Vuvuzela in Darlington

I was actually sitting on the toilet when I heard it.At first, I imagined that my level of concentration had caused me to emit the kind of noise occasionally heard in football ground toilets (and no I don't mean 'They were effin' shite.')But this wasn't the case.If the World Cup...
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Smells Like Teen Linament

It's getting cold again. Today was the first example of the kind of pre-winter damp fug that envelopes the north east in October and doesn't let go until around May: then, after the briefest flicker, resumes its place, sitting like a fat Cheshire cat on the skyline. Only without...
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Black And White All Over

Rejoice Geordies worldwide, for your beloved team have once again attained the promised land of the Premiership.Now the fun begins.I don't mean the beginning of another financial catastrophe, or even the inevitable 0-1 loss at home to Blackpool on a wet Monday night in November.No,...
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League Ladders

As the Summer yawns before us (small matter of the World Cup notwithstanding) in an arid chasm of football-less-ness, any sane person has one of three responses:1) Play golf2) Go to the pub3)...er, that's itOtherwise there is seemingly no alternative to a diet of reality-TV with...
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Feet Of Clay

This is part of what remains of Feethams, former home to Darlington FC: they as of last month a former Football League team.Accessible only by trespassing over a disused bridge and down potholed path strewn with broken glass and urban detritus, it's a metaphor for the demise of the...
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With One Bound, He's Free

Welcome to the cousin of Suspend Your Disbelief.He's a nice bloke, wants to be a footballer and is having trials with Brentford.He's got a Beckham-bogbrush haircut and has just learned to drive. He wears those nasty plastic bananas on his feet that some people call football boots....
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The JPS

James Hunt. Jacques Laffite. Jody Sheckter. Nikki Lauder. Patrick Depaillet. Jochen Mass. Gilles Villenueuve. Clay Regazzoni. Carlos Reutermann. Riccardo Pattrese.Watkins Glen. Monte Carlo. Brands Hatch. Monza. Interlagos. Paul Ricard. Nurburgring. Spa.Being a racing driver in the...
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Where's World Cup Willie When You Need Him?

My dad tells me that my love of football began at the age of 3, when in an act which would nowadays be construed as child cruelty, he plonked me down in front of the old bakelite telly to watch the 1966 cup final between Sheffield Wednesday and Everton. (Don't need to identify it...
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Rotherham 1 Aldershot 0

This evening, in a miasma of boredom, I find myself watching the above match on the telly. It's a critical game, and victory will result in the winner going to Wembley for the Division 2 Play Off Final (Division 4 in pre-Sky TV old money.) The winner will get the chance, Quixote-style,...
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Two Bobby Charltons For A Ralph Coates

Today, I received a wonderful present.My friend Craig surprised and delighted me when he delivered impromptu a whole set of Manchester City football cards, which his son had collected. They were surplus to his requirements, but I didn’t care – the very feel and smell of them transported...
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The Barcelona Shirt

1974. How was a pubescent boy from the north of England going to discover romance in life?Answer: Miss McDermott.Miss McDermott was one of the 3 most beautiful women on the planet in 1974. All my mates had a crush. Pondy wanted her. Shorey wanted her. Vaughny wanted her. But they...
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The Rec'

The Rec' was a muddy football pitch, replete with cowpats and broken bottles; later to have the addition of a swing, that was where we hung out as kids.It was the place I learned to french kiss with Julie Garton; the scene of my first proper appearance in a football team (managed,...
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The Day I Grew Up

June 1973. I am 11 years old and about to leave primary school for secondary school: a whole new world of violence, Shangalang and kung fu stars.Ian Vaughan - Vaughny - is in his omnipotent pomp: soon to graduate to the position of King of secondary school reserved for him by his...
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